"Proudly Serving the Commonwealth"
"Proudly Serving the Commonwealth"
Certain behavior patterns can be observed in a family where abuse is occurring. In the family where physical abuse is occurring, the abusive adult may have unrealistic high standards and expectations for himself/herself and his children. S/he may be rigid, compulsive, hostile, aggressive, impulsive with poor emotional control, authoritative and demanding. S/he may fear or resent authority. S/he may be cruel, sadistic, irrational and incapable of child rearing. Perhaps s/he trusts no one. S/he may believe in the necessity of harsh physical discipline and accepts violence as a viable means of problem resolution. S/he probably reacts to a child with impatience or annoyance because s/he has an undue fear of spoiling the child. The abuser is usually overcritical of the child and seldom discusses the child in positive terms. S/he lacks understanding of the child's physical and emotional needs and lacks an understanding of the child's developmental capabilities.
In the last article, several indicators were presented which are typical of a family where physical abuse is occurring within that family. Now, let us mention several other indicators. In a family where physical abuse is occurring, the abusive adult will be reluctant or unable to explain the child's injuries or condition, or will give explanations which are farfetched or inconsistent with the injury. S/he will either over or under react to the child's injuries and will not consent to diagnostic studies of the child. The abuser will have the child treated by a different hospital or physician each time the child needs medical attention. The family will fail to keep doctor's appointments. The abuser will perceive himself/herself as alone, without friends or support, and will view seeking or accepting help as a weakness. S/he will be under pressure and will have an emotionally dependent spouse. S/he will be engaged in a dominant-passive marital relationship and will be experiencing marital problems. The abuser will have been physically abused himself/herself as a child. When sexual abuse is occurring within a family, there are several additional indicators which are easily identified. They will be discussed in the next article.
The abusive adult may be overly protective of the child. S/he will probably refuse to allow the child to participate in social activities and will be jealous of the child's friends or activities. S/he will accuse the child of promiscuity and s/he will distrust the child. The abuser will be having marital problems. There will be a strong need for him/her to be in control or s/he will fear losing control. S/he will be domineering, rigid, or authoritarian. S/he will favor a "special" child in the family and will have been sexually abused himself/herself as a child. The next article will look at the family where emotional abuse is occurring.
In a family where a child is being emotionally abused, the abusive adult may act irrationally or appear to be out of touch with reality. S/he will be deeply depressed and exhibit extreme mood swings. The abuser will constantly belittle the child or describe the child in terms such as "bad," "different," and "stupid". The abusive adult may be cruel or sadistic and be ambivalent towards the child. S/he will expect behavior that is inappropriate to the child's age or development capabilities and will consistently shame the child for not being able to perform to the abuser's demands. The child will be threatened with loss of love, food, shelter, or clothing. The child's health and safety may be threatened as well. The child will be rejected and discriminated against especially if other children are in the family. Other indicators may involve the abuser being active in criminal activity. S/he may use bizarre or extreme methods of punishment. S/he will avoid contact with the child, seldom touching, holding or caressing him/her, and will avoid even looking or smiling at the child. The abuser probably was himself/herself a victim of abuse or neglect as a child.
In a family where neglect is occurring, the neglecting adult may be apathetic and have a constant craving for excitement and change. The adult will express dissatisfaction with his/her life and express a desire to be free of the demands of the child. There will be a lack of interest in the child's activities. The adult will have a low acceptance of the child’s dependency needs and will be generally unskilled as a parent. The neglecting adult will have little planning or organizational skills. S/he may appear to be unkempt and will perceive the child as a burden or bother. S/he will be occupied more with his/her own problems than with the child's problems. The child will seldom be discussed in positive terms and the neglecting adult will be overcritical of the child in most every respect. There are several other family indicators where neglect is occurring and those will be discussed in the next article.
The last article addressed several family indicators which are present in a family where neglect is occurring. These included the neglecting adult being apathetic and having a constant craving for excitement and change and his/her desire to be free from the demands of the child. In addition to these expectations of the child, another indicator is expecting or demanding behavior which is beyond the child's years of ability. The neglecting adult will seldom touch or look at the child, and in the case of an infant, the child will be left alone in a crib for long periods of time. The adult will be difficult to locate because s/he will be preoccupied with his/her own projects forgetting or ignoring the needs of the child. The neglecting adult will lack an understanding of the child's physical or emotional needs and will himself/herself be moody or sad. The adult will fit the clinical description "passive and dependent". S/he will lack understanding of the child's developmental capabilities. S/he will fail to keep appointments involving the child and will not return telephone calls concerning the child. Probably, s/he will have been neglected himself/herself as a child.
Although some forms of abuse and neglect are more difficult to detect than others, there always are signs - clues - which, singly or together, suggest that a child might be in need of help. Two types of clues are usually given by an abused or neglected child. There are physical indicators. These clues are the easiest to detect and diagnose. Aspects of the child's appearance and the presence of bodily injury are physical indicators. There are behavioral indicators. Often, children will send messages through their behavior which suggest the occurrence of abuse or neglect. These clues may be in the form of "acting out" behaviors or behaviors which reflect the child's attempt to cope with or hide the abuse or neglect. Behavioral indicators are more difficult to detect and interpret than physical indicators.
Child maltreatment falls in one or more of four general categories - physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect. There are clues to recognizing this maltreatment. First, we will look at those physical indicators which may be present in cases of physical abuse. There may be unexplained, chronic, or repeated bruising. One should be especially alert to bruises on the face, throat, upper arms, buttocks, thighs, or lower back. Bruises in unusual patterns or shapes may suggest the use of an instrument (loop, lash, linear, circular, or rectangular marks). Bruises on a infant are always suspect. Bruises in the shape of a bite or pinch marks, or located in clusters, or in various stages of healing, may suggest physical abuse.
Child maltreatment falls in one or more of four general categories - physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect. There are clues to recognizing this maltreatment. Unexplained burns may be an indicator of abuse. Be especially alert to cigarette burns. This type of burn is circular, and often found on the child's palms, soles of feet, genitalia or abdomen. Immersion burns characteristically will produce sharp lines of demarcation and appear on the buttocks, genital area, or extremities. On the hands and feet, burns can produce a "glove" or "stocking" effect. On the buttocks, immersion burns will often be "doughnut shaped". Oftentimes rope burns may indicate abuse, as well as burns in the shape of common household utensils or appliances.
48. "IF I HAD MY CHILDREN TO
RAISE OVER AGAIN"
by Diane Loomans
If I had my children to raise over again,
I'd finger paint more, and point the finger less.
I'd do less correcting, and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less, and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I'd run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging, and less tugging.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd teach less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.
To obtain assistance in reporting child abuse or neglect, or obtain information on how to help prevent it, please call our hotline number at 1-800-468-8920.
